Bottom Shelf Chef

Bringing you the very best in bottom shelf recipes!

Ramen

By Hugh Mungis

April 3rd, 2020

Ingredients:
-Noodles from a soba ramen bowl (these are the thicc noodles) x1
-Regular beef stock from your grocery - 2 cups
-1 carrot thinly sliced, like the ginger slices you get from gas station sushi
-2 eggs
-1/2 pound skinless boneless chicken breast
-panko bread crumbs
-scallions
-parsley

Directions:
Make sure your chicken is completely thawed out. I don't recommend using the microwave to thaw as it will cook parts of the chicken.

Throw the broth into a smol pot, and let it simmer on lowest possible heat setting. Don't let it come to a boil. Remember! boiled broth becomes bad.

Next, take one egg out of the fridge and get it close-ish to the stove so it gets to room temperature (helps it cook more evently)

Get a different smol pot and fill it with water but you're going to bring this up to a roiling boil. once it's boiling like a shitty hollywood science experiment, turn the heat all the way off and stir the pot of water until you have a little whirlpool going on. Next you crack open the egg and gently lower it into the steaming hot water whirlpool. Let it poach to your liking and then lift it out with a slotted spoon to minimize change of yolk rupture. Set the egg aside for later

Using the other egg as an egg wash, roll the chicken around in the panko.

Sautee the chicken in some oil I like olive oil personally but I'm not an oil snob, do what you want. Once they're cooked all the way through, slice them into bite-sized slices so that the fried panko makes a crispy exterior around each bite. Return the slices to the pan but turn the burner off.

By now the broth should be simmering, so take the bowl you're going to eat out of and drop the scallions and parsley in first, and put the intact (not crushed) soba noodles on top of them.

add broth and cover with a plate until noods are soft, on top of that, layer the chicken slices on one third, thinly sliced carrots on another, and the poached egg on the last.

Just a dash of pepper on top of the chicken and egg

cover with plate again to bring everything up to temp (add boiling water if temp dropped too much). Microwave works fine here too.

Enjoy!

Biscuits 

By Cuppa

April 10th, 2020

So you ran out of bread and don't have the ingredients to bake more? Biscuits are the answer to your woes. Here's a simple and quick recipe.

Ingredients:

2 cups self rising flour
1/2 cup soft butter or veg oil
2 tablespoons of sugar
1/2 cup water/milk

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425-450.
Combine butter/oil with flour.
Add water or Milk.
Mix well to combine.
If the dough is sticky add more flour one teaspoon at a time and mix.
Spread out on a baking sheet covered in wax paper.
Cut into squares. Separate and space them out.
Bake until a light brown, 8-14 minutes.

Bonus prep:

Thin slice some spam and pan fry, melt cheese overtop, slice a biscuit in half and apply a generous amount of hot mustard + worcestershire, insert the spam into your biscuit and serve hot

Banana Bread

By Blasto

May 8th, 2020

Organic Matter:

1 Cup Sugar

1/3 Cup Softened Butter

2 Large Eggs

1/3 Cup Cold Water

3-4 Bananas Mashed

1 2/3 Cup Flour

1 Teaspoon Baking Soda

1/2 Teaspoon Baking Powder

1 Pinch Salt

Baking Spray

 

Electromechanical Hardware:

Baking Pan

Large Bowl

Hand Held Mixer

Oven

 

If you're like me, you probably have some bananas sitting around that you bought with the best intention of eating but you've spent to much time drifting about in the sprawl and are now getting a little too ripe to eat.

 

This gives you the perfect opportunity to make some Banana Bread! This recipe has been passed down through the Blasto family for several generations, and was originally found in a magazine (I'm told magazines are like a cyberspace chatroom but made of paper) in the early 1960's.

 

To start, set your oven to 350F. In a large bowl combine the sugar and room temperature butter using a mixer set to high.

 

Beat the hell out of it. Then add in the 2 eggs and continue to mix. After that's combined and slightly fluffy, add in the mashed bananas and water.

 

You don't really have to mash them if they're super ripe as the mixer will be able to smash them up real good. Simply add the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt (if you are using salted butter you can skip adding the pinch of salt).

 

Mix on low until just combined and no powder is visible. Spray your dark colored non stick loaf pan with some baking spray and dump in the batter.

 

Give the pan a little jiggle to level it out and put it in the oven. You can use whatever size loaf pan you want, 8 in will take about 1.25 hours and a 9 in should take about 1 hour.

 

If you want to make a huge double batch, a 13x9 cake pan works well at about 1 hour. Times can vary with oven, so to be sure its done, take a toothpick or a knife and stab the center of the loaf. If it comes out clean, its done.

 

Optionally, you can add 1/2 cup chocolate chips mixed with 1 teaspoon of flour or 1/2 cup walnuts to the batter.

 

The flour helps keep them from sinking to the bottom of the pan. Let cool for an hour or so and enjoy!